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Oct. 29th, 2009 @ 02:29 am
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Keep making myself feel bad about Amee's relationship style, and I don't like it because that's my ideal style, myself. Politics bother me. I don't like any of it. Want to throw it away and just enjoy life and love the way it should be. Why do I have to bog myself down with all this expectation and comparison bullshit? I am me, and that should be enough for me. It's enough for her, after all. I know this because she loves me, and is willing to keep me. Distance hurts, though. It chokes. My brain gets fuzzy with anxiety, and then the paranoia sets in like it used to when I had it forced on me. Inadequacies? Why do I focus on the idea? I want it to go away, but I have nothing to do but think, and thinking is bad for me when it isn't focused on something positive. I need to douse myself in fiction, but books leave me too much time to wander away, and videos don't offer what I'm really looking for. I need a constant stream of videogames. Deep ones. If it's too simple, I won't get the focus I need. If it's too hard, I'll focus on my inability to accomplish goals. I need to finish writing a game system. Any. I need accomplishments to keep from harming myself with all the bright fury of my shining soul. Updating my journal might help. At least it will let me put my thoughts down when there's no one to listen to them. No paragraph structure is gross, but I think it suits the mood. Even this rant can be considered art, and that makes me feel better. Created something beautiful with something ugly. Behold my win.Emotion::  stressed |
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Oct. 21st, 2009 @ 02:16 am
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Well, it's been a damn long time since I posted anything. Certainly nothing in 2009. Oops.
We don't live with Sque anymore, and in fact he has decided that I am a traitor to him and must not be spoken to. Ten points for paranoia there.
Still work at Wal-Mart, and not particularly enjoying it, though I suppose things could be worse.
Only person in my home with a jorb, except for the guy in Japan.
Have an adorable if misbehaved cat named Bandit Little Kitty.
Haven't published anything. Can't write anything. Block. Gah.
I like girls. Just about all of them, I think. They're pretty.
Crypty's in Philadelphia for a month and a half, learning to be an artists' assistant, which is cool. She gets back November 14. I want her to come back sooner, but there's not much choice, as we didn't make the reservations.
As the days have gone by, I've been getting more and more melancholy, quiet, and generally poopy. Want my girl back. Want to game more. Want to not be worried about dollars all the time.Emotion::  listless |
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I am victorious! The Lady Cryptess and I have survived our trip to California, and are now staying with Agent Sque in Orange. I've gotten my job back at Wal-Mart, and today is my first day off. I get paid in eight days, and life will be good again. Gooder, rather. Things are going pretty well as it is.
I started reading again (yes, I stopped for a long time after finishing Good Omens). Bram Stoker's Dracula is nearly at an end for me. In fact, the book has reminded me that I've not posted in this journal for ages. Four weeks, on the site's count.
To celebrate my return to using LiveJournal, I post a geek meme from Kensan.
1) What is your Race? Human, because Humans are awesome.
2) What Alignment Are You? Neutral Good.
3) What is the last Class you took? Sorcerer.
4) Favorite Monster? Pseudodragon. They're cute, cuddly, telepathic, and poisonous.
5) Do you think Elves and Dwarves shouldn't get along? I don't see why not. I can understand their not wanting to visit each other, though.
6) Which form of Lycanthrope do you wish you would be cursed with? Cat, of course.
7) Worst Class to be? Bard. Brilliant idea for a character, terrible idea for a class.
8) Halfling or Gnome? ...I hate you.
9) Devils or Demons? Demons.
10) Fungus or Slimes? Slimes, certainly.
11) You are standing before a Rainbow Curtain. Where are you? Most likely somewhere I don't want to be, but certainly nowhere on my maps.
12) Which God appeals to you the most? I can't quite remember her name, but she was the goddess of partying, joy, and putting lampshades on your head. Wiggles knows.
13) What is your dump Stat? Str.
14) You're in the Abyss! Which Layer are you on? Oh dear. I knew I should have brushed up on my map of the planes...
15) You just got Polymorphed! What harmless creature are you? A sparrow. Adorable, small, and fragile. Not to mention afraid of heights.
16) An Efreet just gave you a wish. What do you wish for? I wish for Efreet to only distort wishes granted by Evil-aligned characters.
17) Do you build a Stronghold, or do you wander the open road? I wander forever, because there's always more to see.
18) You find a powerful artifact. Do you pick it up, even though you know bad stuff will happen? No. I have someone else do it.
19) You have to fall in love with a different race then you. Who's the lucky guy/gal? An elf, naturally.
20) Will you survive the transition to the next edition? I don't need to transition: I'll make my OWN edition!Emotion::  accomplished |
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Okay, I'm escaping back down to California. We've got the tickets and everything, and in fact I forgot to mention it when that happened. I'm taking Wendel down now so I can ship him off to California. Train leaves tomorrow at 9:30 am. Maybe he'll beat me down there. |
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Oct. 2nd, 2008 @ 01:37 am
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Heh. LiveJournal now tells you how long it's been since your last update. Nine weeks. Yow. ^_^;
Well, we're still having difficulties finding a stable place to live. The general idea at the moment is to gather up some money somehow and get ourselves down to California. Seattle is cool, but we can't live there, so screw it. To Disneyland! WHOOSH!
Lady Cryptess was worried about leaving for a while because of her friends and family up here. The trouble there is that her friends are so widely spread out and difficult to get hold of that we've only managed to see them once in all this time (except for Shonn whose home we're currently staying at for a few days), and her family is insane. Her dad's been in jail for the last few weeks, and her mom is constantly this forced sort of happy, and breaks down whenever it's pointed out that life kinda sucks right now. Ah well. They depend on her more than she depends on them, and they complain that I'm too much of an emotional leech.
Once we get down to California, we'll be staying with the Sque until we can find a place on our own. It'll be good.
And now for a personality assessment. I did this for a gamer friend of mine in a psych course.
Check out my
personality profile!Emotion::  calm Tunes:: Videogame remixes and covers |
| » Gamers Online HQ? |
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My Lady and I are on the verge of putting together a website that may actually generate some income. It'll be awesome. I'm quite pleased, especially at the thought I might be able to learn this stuff myself. Woo!
Jul. 24th, 2008 @ 10:37 pm
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| » Explody Day Festivities |
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Had a semi uneventful Explody Day. It pretty much consisted of having a good time cooking chicken, potatoes, and cornbread over in downtown Everett. Good stuff. Much delicious was had, and we decided that the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducin' Grillin' Machine is awesome, but deep fried chicken is tastier. XD Powered by ScribeFire.
Jul. 6th, 2008 @ 03:17 am
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| » Happy Explody Day! |
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Two hundred and thirty-two years ago, a bunch of pretty smart guys in charge wrote up some stuff that was so offensive, it incited war. This country's been pretty good at that ever since, but we're still basically sitting on top of the planet. I kinda feel like one of the peeps in Midgar, knowing that we're living off of the life of the planet and not really doing much about it. That's alright, though. I'm having a good time, and that's what matters, innit?
So anyway, we're heading off to see Lady Cryptess's father, and that's about the extent of our plans for the day. Have some good explosions, everyone, except most of you are in California and the Governator has apparently decided that my homeland is too dry to allow explosions. So...happy non-explody explody day!
Jul. 4th, 2008 @ 02:40 pm
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| » The Great Job Hunt |
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I think I most likely have a job with the South Everett Goodwill now. Just gotta wait for the background check to go through and they'll give me a call.
I don't wanna work there, but I have to. Material Handling. That means I go out back and pick up donations people leave, then sort it all. It sounds like a job made of suck. Can't I just process pictures for the rest of my life? It'd be nice. At least until I could open my gaming shop. Gah. Ah well. I need the moneys.Powered by ScribeFire.
Jul. 3rd, 2008 @ 06:55 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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OH NOES! I've been hit by some sort of AIM Salmon bot thing that verbally assaults peeps who've recently updated LJ. Dun duuuun. This peep here posted an LJ about it, and was rather informative. So here.
http://blackfay.livejournal.com/50476.html
That happened to me.
[19:41:43] NoteworthySalmon: WE ARE XEROX. WE ARE KLEENEX. WE. ARE. SALMON!
Jun. 29th, 2008 @ 07:44 pm
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| » I love D&D so much. |
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[19:37:41] mrwigggles6662000: SO
[19:37:52] mrwigggles6662000: The fighter, the player of the fighter
[19:38:04] mrwigggles6662000: `has a bad habit
[19:38:09] mrwigggles6662000: of buying stuff to just buy stuff
[19:38:14] mrwigggles6662000: annoys me
[19:38:15] ZakHg: Heh.
[19:38:22] mrwigggles6662000: So he wants a horse
[19:38:28] ZakHg: "I ARE THE FIGHTER AND I GIVES AWAY ALL OF OUR SHINIES!"
[19:38:46] mrwigggles6662000: : laughs:Powered by ScribeFire.
Jun. 29th, 2008 @ 07:39 pm
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| » ScribeFire, Twitter, and Updates |
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Yo. I'm blogging this from Cryptess's mom's place. I just installed a few add-ons to Firefox that are pretty nice, including TwitBin, which lets me update Twitter easily, and ScribeFire, which is what I'm using to write this. It doesn't seem to have moods or music available on it, though. Hm. Anyway, I'm doing alright. Thought I'd let you all know. And I don't know where else to put these bumper stickers, so here ya go.
Created by OnePlusYou
Created by OnePlusYouPowered by ScribeFire.
Jun. 27th, 2008 @ 08:54 am
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On the subject of the rich and cannibalism.
"You may live a luxurious life, but the knowledge that you will someday be eaten will be ever present in your mind"
--Johnny the Sque.
Followed immediately by some context.
Sque: think about it...
Sque: cows do nothing but sit around all day and get what they want (free range ones)
Sque: and the farmer would be seen as the poor one in that situation
Sque: having to take care of the others
Sque: doing all the work
Sque: so in essence, the rich are more cattle, and should be regarded as such, than the rest of the world
Sque: why they have more influence is only due to their manipulation of workers.
Sque: say people woke up "hey. it doesnt matter if you fire me, ill work for your copmetition" the rich people would eventually wake up after firing everyone "oh shit."
Sque: its just too bad people want to be manipulated, eh?
Mar. 8th, 2008 @ 07:31 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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28
And don't you forget it.
Mar. 7th, 2008 @ 07:00 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I has the most awesome girlfriend like evar. I restrained her hands to keep from killing me via protein depletion, and she managed to undress me with her mouth. WIN. Except for me. I'm going to die soon. Send water.
Feb. 27th, 2008 @ 03:09 am
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| » New HQ |
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This entry is coming from Everett, Washington.
Wendel, my connection to the sprawling ocean of digital humanity, is still in California, but he should be sent up after me soon enough. In the meantime, I've been living with Lady Cryptess and her father, along with the less pleasant examples of sentience they house with. I'm currently making this post on Calliope, the Lady's computer. She's a good machine, a laptop I've bought an internet connection for.
The transfer to a local store didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped, and in fact I'm now searching for other steady employment. Wal-Mart is too difficult to reach from here for the time being. What I need is something I can walk to. Or better yet, from.
I'm all right, and things are going reasonably well here. Unfortunately, setting up a new G.A.M.E.R.S. HQ will be more difficult than originally thought. I'm unsure how to go about finding a gaming circle, my Library is still in California with no means of getting here (and just when I have the inspiration that requires some of my more obscure books, too!), and there are few bookstores that can resupply me. Somehow I'll find a way. I have to. RPoL has been my only gaming salvation of late. It'll have to do.
Agent Nintaku out.
Feb. 25th, 2008 @ 02:04 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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Just destroyed my computer while trying to fix it. Accidentally plugged in ATX12V1 4 pin power cable to motherboard while it was on. Sparks are bad. Now it's completely dead. Gotta perform a central nervous system operation on Wendel. Fuck me sideways.
Jan. 18th, 2008 @ 01:29 am
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| » Agent Nintaku Log Entry 200801141306 |
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Situations have become more difficult, leaving this agent with little option but to split from the main headquarters. Though I haven't been one for solo missions in the past, certainly not for long-distance travelling, it seems the only choice I have is to move my base from Disneyland. I'll be taking a common passenger jet to hide my presence from any counter-agents, and to speed up the time in which my second HQ will be set up. There are agents waiting in Washington to assist me, but they may not be fully versed in G.A.M.E.R.S. procedure. Consider it a long-term inspection. There is a possibility of return, but not soon. This will be my most dangerous mission yet, as I won't have the other agents for assistance.
I believe I am high enough level to take this challenge. Wish me good rolls, people.
Agent Nintaku out.
Jan. 14th, 2008 @ 01:06 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAYMAS!
I don't do the Christmas thing in my head, though I celebrate it outwardly, so I just call it funny names like Daymas, Holiday Thingie Day, Holly Day, Color Day, and of course Snazztacular Anti-Poop Day. It's because Jesus wasn't born anywhere near now, so it isn't really Christ-mas, is it? *shrugs* Still a fun day. And I don't quite understand the other forms of the holiday, though I do get Mel's Happy Solstice, as that makes perfect sense. Sun's coming back. It's like midnight for the planet.
So I got a full kitchen set, including cookware, utensils, and a cookbook, but I have no kitchen. Or home of my own, in fact. Yarr. Gonna have to fix that quickly.
In semi-related news, I'ma go visit my Lady Cryptess in some months' time. Less than two, preferrably. But she's goin' to New York late January, and I need to be in a stable enough position to fly away, and on top of all that, I need to secure myself that lovely week of paid vacation I was promised by Lord Volde-Mart. So that'll be February, I'm guessing.
And in yet more news, Scion is made out of awesome. Oh yes. It makes the Gamer wiggle with delight. Especially its mention of Pluto being demoted. That makes me happy.
I'm about halfway done making my own game system. The broad strokes all seem to be in place. Just needs a li'l somethin' somethin'. It's incredibly broad, actually. The only mechanics I have written down are character creation and combat, though the only other thing I think I need is a non-contested roll system. And that's not hard to pull off.
Dec. 25th, 2007 @ 04:37 am
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It just hit me a few minutes ago whilst talking to Agent Wiggles.
We have the ability to genetically engineer a mouse with a human ear growing out of its back. This has been proven, this has been done. Why have we not begun work on the cosmetic splicing just about everyone on the internet is waiting for? How many people would love to have a pair of cat ears? I wouldn't mind a tail, though it would be practically useless. Predator eyes would be damn sexy, and make a lot of night people pleased to no end. So where is it? Do we not have enough geeks as scientists? Is it really nothing but nerds in there? Show me the furry!
Dec. 17th, 2007 @ 01:34 am
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nintaku's journal